Sant Boi de LlobregatPau Capell (Sant Boi de Llobregat, 1991) quotes the ARA in the place where he feels most comfortable: in the mountains. It is where he spends more hours a day, where he has sculpted his way of being and where he has experienced moments that have changed him forever. Kilian Jornet’s shadow is long, but Pau Capell, the second most important Catalan ultrarunner in the world, has great events such as the UTMB [Ultra Trail del Mont Blanc] of 2019. Shy at first, he invites visitors to climb up to his little shelter, a book-filled hut next to the start of a path. Outside the wooden house, he sits on a large stone to reflect on those feelings he has emptied in his first book, Fight for what you want and love what you have (Cossetania).
Why did you want to do this kind of book?
— When I started running I already liked to write. In Fotolog he explained experiences from when he was running. The book was born when I realized that going long distance has changed my personality a little. I used to be a much more outgoing person, and since I’ve been racing, I’ve become more shy and introspective. I keep things to myself and the book has been the perfect excuse to bring out what I didn’t explain before.
Does it really change you that much?
— I always train alone and that makes you listen to yourself a lot. It causes you to ask yourself questions that you answer yourself. I don’t bother explaining it to others because I’ve already explained it to myself. I’m an athlete and somewhat famous, but I don’t like feeling like that. I want to be a normal person and when I tell something about myself I feel very self-centered and prefer to talk about other things. That’s why I say in the book that I give my parents four headlines and say: “You’ll see it published somewhere and that’s it.”
We end up paying for frustrations with our closest circle and leave what is most beautiful to those outside.
— And he’s angry, you don’t want it to be like that. It’s an internal struggle. Why do I sometimes not say everything I want to say when I really want to say it? I can’t find an answer to this question.
In the book you talk a lot about happiness. what is it for you
— Be calm. It’s waking up one day and not having enemies, the job I like, a stable life, trying not to have problems with anything… that’s being happy. Obviously, we have little things every day, but they are minor problems. It also means running, not having injuries, having a full fridge… What is basic in life must be the most important.
You also confess that you feel very selfish, as a result of your professional life.
— There are five of us in my house. My parents are doctors, my sister too, my brother works in a marketing company and I’m an athlete. And many times only me is talked about. In the end, I just run. It’s very selfish: I earn money to run up the mountain. What do I bring? Actually, nothing. I can motivate people and stuff, but my sister saves lives, dammit! And then we sit at the table and this Christmas the conversation will be: “What, Pau, how did the book go?” This creates a lot of anxiety for me and I feel selfish. And people idolize that. He idolizes being an athlete and all we do is run up the mountain or kick a ball. We are seen as extraordinary, but it is unfair.
“I don’t know how to repay my family for everything they’ve done for me,” you say in the book. Are you finding the way?
– It is difficult. I like, when I finish a race, to do something that we can share as an experience. For example, North Face offers me to go to their house when it’s UTMB with the brand’s athletes. I always tell them no, that I pay for a villa and bring my parents, siblings, partners and friends. It’s the only way I have nowadays to experience things with them, because then, during the year, I’m always training. I live in Andorra and the distance is also a big deal.
Are the sacrifices heavy?
— They are not easy. I’m a very normal guy who really likes being with friends, and it’s hard when you have to say no to do things I always seem to be the odd one out. It affects friendships. The real friends, that I can count on my hands, I have from the last 5-6 years. With running you experience very intense things and the people you meet in those moments stay forever.
In the book you say: “Sooner or later I had to get my reward.” Do you think betting everything on one thing makes it work?
— No, not always. But not trying is the mistake. We often say: “If you dream of doing something, why don’t you do it?” Well, because I have a family, children, obligations that I have to fulfill and that do not allow me to take the step. But sometimes we take these things as excuses. If you never try… In Spain and Catalonia, we use failure as an attack. And it doesn’t have to be that, because failures should be learning.
Is the closest thing to failure for you is when you drop out of a race?
— Yes, but above all not to abandon the race, but to abandon you. You wonder why you stop doing something you love so much. “If you love running so much, why after 10 hours do you decide to stop?” This is the failure, not the fact of not winning. Failure is when you fail yourself, and when that happens you cry a lot.
Is that what you felt this year when you dropped out on the Mont Blanc Ultra Trail?
– Yes. You pursue it a lot, it’s many hours of training and a lot of suffering. And the day of the race comes and it doesn’t go the way you want and you say: “Oysters, what went wrong?” You have a couple of weeks when you’re very sad and you realize that you failed because you were stupid and didn’t manage the strategy, the nutrition… These are human mistakes that can be corrected, but you didn’t know how to do it.
In Spain and Catalonia, we use failure as an attack. And it doesn’t have to be that, it has to be learning. ”
How do you return to the state of calm, of peace?
— It’s trying to get back to normal. When you get back into the routine of training again, picking up the pace, feeling good… I love routine. A lot of people hate it, but because they don’t find the routine good. Having a good routine makes you happy.
Isn’t this more situational control or superstition?
— They are both [riu]. I’m superstitious because I have OCD. If things are not in place, I get very nervous.
What is your ritual?
— Everything must be ordered and in place a week before. In the apartment wherever. Because then race day comes and I know where everything is. Two hours before the race I disconnect from the world and put on music for half an hour. Then I like to talk to my parents, siblings, partner… The team that accompanies me and gives me positive energy. When it comes to clothing, I always start from top to bottom: T-shirt, shorts, pants, socks, and the thighs are the last thing I tie.
Do you also have an order for the exit?
— Five minutes before departure I start to motivate myself. I think about how it took me to get to that moment, in the family, I remember the days I suffered training. Many times I get emotional at the exit and cry. With a minute and a half left I do ten slightly high jumps, like those in football. This serves me to say “Wow, this is starting” and to make the opponents nervous. With 40 seconds left I do three even higher jumps, because it’s my favorite number. Then I start throwing until they give us the exit. I always do. If not, I know it will go wrong. Having superstitions is a whore.
Is mental strength also trained?
— The head is more important than the body. It’s what gets you done after 20 hours of running. You’re making decisions all the time and that’s why when we finish a race we need a month to recover, not the body, but the head. You end up wrecked.
And what do you think?
— From music groups that I like – why do I like this one and not that one? – or remembering song lyrics, to mistakes I’ve made in the past, ex-partners I’ve had and why what happened it happened, friends that I may have lost – do I regain friendship or not? -… In the company I want to do, in the book I want to write, in who will be waiting for me at the food supply, in politics, in the war of Ukraine… And the race is over and there are still many pending issues.
Has this made you know yourself?
— In the book I say: “We will die the day after tomorrow and we will not have met”. It is impossible to know yourself. Sometimes you make decisions you didn’t know you would make and sometimes we reach borderline decisions. As an ultra-distance runner, I have reached many points of physical exhaustion where I thought it would be fine if someone pushed me down a mountain. And I think, “How can I come to think that?” It makes you know yourself.
You have discovered where your limits are.
— And everyone has their own. People who try to imitate Kilian are making a mistake, because you are imitating a limit that you cannot reach. And whoever tried it dies. Because you can’t climb Everest barefoot.
Can having a reference like Kilian lead you to do crazy things?
— He is a great athlete and he is so prepared that for him it is normal and for us it cannot be. Everyone must know their limits. I started running when I was 20 and Kilian was born running. At the age of 5 he made Aneto with his mother! It has helped us open up a market. People have taken to running for him, as they did for me, and he has opened many doors for us.
Does what Kilian does make it difficult for people to see how difficult and hard what you do really is?
— Yes, we give little value to the difficulty of what we see. And what we see is not reality. Many times we see a video and what he is doing is real, but what you are seeing is not real. Let me explain: you can be shooting with a camera at an angular angle and a point of view where it looks harder than it is. Kilian has made a lot of videos like this and has devalued this crazy stuff because, like so many of them, it looks normal and it’s not. You have to be very aware that things you see from him are not real. Today, with a camera, you can put a wide angle and a small path it may look like you are making a ridge.
