“It’s only a real crisis at Ajax when he shows up with a trendy scarf on”

Sjoerd Mossou has written a humorous column about the ‘crisis’ at Ajax. The journalist of the General Journal Have you noticed that a crisis in Amsterdam always follows the same five patterns? “There’s something soothing about that,” Mossou writes with a cynical undertone in his column for the morning paper. Now that Ajax threatens to descend to the Conference League, Mossou sees the same patterns emerging again.

Ajax lost 3-0 at PSV on Sunday, which means that the third place in the Eredivisie is currently a fact. The gap with leader Feyenoord is no less than eleven points, while number four AZ is two points behind Amsterdam’s necks. If Ajax fails to win the cup against PSV on Sunday and still finish fourth in the competition, Conference League football is a fact. Mossou sees that the crisis in Amsterdam is ‘back with a vengeance’.

The journalist concludes that a crisis in Amsterdam can be recognized by five patterns. The first pattern is ‘Keje Molenaar’s law’. “Every right-minded Ajax player knows: it is only a real crisis when Keje Molenaar shows up with a trendy scarf around his neck”. However, according to Mossou, nobody knows exactly what Molenaar’s role is at Ajax. The journalist also notes that when Ajax does not become champion, it is always due to ‘a lack of real Ajax players’. Mossou also seems to find that funny. “The fact that Ajax’s last period of success was mainly the work of a few peasants from the east is hardly relevant: only ‘real Ajax players’ can still save things. Sjaak Swart may want to confirm that.”

The third pattern is the “fire letter,” which Mossou says is always strategically leaked to The Telegraph. “This then leads to a ‘committee’ that writes a ‘critical report’, after which a ‘working group’ sets things right, usually by setting up a new committee.” The fourth pattern is ‘The spirit of Cruijf’. According to Mossou, technical director Sven Mislintat must quickly announce his love for Johan Cruijff. “If not, it will be a difficult story for Sven.” Finally, a real crisis at Ajax is defined by choosing one of the different camps, says Mossou, who gives a humorous tip as a scolding. “First ask Keje Molenaar for advice. She knows the way flawlessly.”