Thomas Pruijsen (34) was in the Kuip in Rotterdam on Sunday afternoon when he read the first twitter message from Spanish goalkeeper Iker Casillas. “I hope everyone respects it. I’m gay,” Casillas wrote. It was exactly what Thomas had hoped for a long time. “Finally a top player who comes out. A real role model. Don’t get me wrong, I also thought it was nice when other football players came out. But hardly anyone knows them. I was really happy with this.”
Hacked?
Thomas’s happy feeling soon changed. Another ex-Barcelona top player, Carles Puyol, commented under Casillas’ message saying: “It’s time to tell our story, Iker.” The text was accompanied by a heart and a kiss, but mainly sowed doubt. Until Casillas deleted his coming-out tweet again. Hacked, was his explanation.
Thomas doesn’t believe Casillas’ explanation. As far as he is concerned, it is a completely failed joke and therefore not a step forward in the acceptance process of the LGBTI community, rather a step backwards. “So there are still jokes about homosexuality. Guys who are gay will think twice before telling it in the locker room.”
Normalization
A major setback, according to Philip Tijsma of COC, the interest group for the LGBTI community. “Gender identity is essential for many people. It is not something to joke about. The fact that no football player in the Netherlands is openly LGBTI shows how difficult the subject is. And making jokes does not help.”
Puyol later apologized for his ‘joke’, but because he felt it necessary to make a joke, the damage was already done. And so coming-outs may be postponed again because of these jokes, says Thomas. “Attention to the moment of coming out is important, but normalizing the LGBTI community yields much more in that area.”
‘Safe plees’
According to Tijsma of the COC, the coming-out day is still very much needed. Perhaps more than in other years. “We see that acceptance is stagnating. I find that quite worrying. In Europe too, many countries pass us by when it comes to the rights of the LGBTI community. We are in 13th place, just after the introduction of same-sex marriage we were at the top .”
This year’s coming-out day focuses on ‘safe plees’ in schools. So safe toilets. “Because the toilet is the place where many young people feel unsafe.” Some don’t drink anything all day just to avoid going to the bathroom. This can even lead to medical complaints. “There is a lot of bullying around toilets. Young people are now taking action to tackle this. For example by making menstrual products available, making toilets that everyone can use and putting up signs with rules.”
Positive signal
But at the same time, young people are also increasingly wondering whether it is necessary to come out. “Why do I have to do something, when a straight person doesn’t have to”, is a sound they often hear at the COC. “A positive signal”, says Tijsma. “It is increasingly seen as something normal.”
Tips for coming out of the closet
If you do want to come out, COC has listed a few tips to help you with that:
- You don’t have to come out, only do it if you want to
- Only come out when you are completely ready. Don’t let anyone rush you.
- First, tell someone you feel comfortable with: your best friend, for example.
- Tell it one by one. People always react differently when they are alone than in a group. If you tell someone privately, you’re more likely to get an honest response.
- Think in advance how you want to tell it, this makes it easier to keep the real conversation.
Here are more tips on how to deal with it. You can read more about it on this page.
Bron: COC
In the meantime, Thomas continues to hope that footballers will stand up who will actually come out as gay and act as role models. Or calculations in a math book that are not about Henk and Marjan who set out as a couple, but about Henk and Simon. In addition, Thomas says: “You keep coming out your whole life. To your football club, to new neighbors, colleagues, you name it.”
Table tennis
Not that Thomas doesn’t think the coming-out day is important, certainly not. He still remembers his own coming-out as a ‘lonely and complicated process’. He played table tennis. “Maybe not the biggest macho sport, but it was a very difficult process for me to come out there. I ran into prejudices and comments from fellow athletes and trainers. I postponed my coming out in the locker room the longest of all.” all the environments where I said I was gay.”
Finally, Thomas found the courage to tell one person, and more soon followed. “I got a lot of positive, but sometimes also negative reactions.”
Lots of emphasis on coming out
To help others, Thomas is now an active member of the John Blankenstein Foundation. There he is a workshop leader and experience expert. “With my own experiences in sports, I know how to ask the right questions, to stimulate members of sports associations and to make people think.”
What Thomas especially hopes after this weekend? That homosexuality is no longer a joke, and certainly not a chant. So sing ‘all Germans are gay’ at the upcoming World Cup? Rather not.
