Welcome to another edition of The Grind, where we can only shake our heads at the cruel tricks that golf gods sometimes do. With a second baby arriving every day, suddenly, after a season of feeding, I’m finally playing well. Sick timing, gods of golf. And unlike Rory McIlroy, I don’t expect to get the green light to reach the links anytime soon. Anyway, while I still have time to talk about golf, here we come.
Dustin Johnson: The strangest PGA Tour season in history has come to a rather obvious conclusion with the world number 1 clinching the Tour Championship victory. And how about that animated celebration ?!
Just kidding. This was the hottest DJ thing ever. But golf aficionados can’t complain, especially one day after the world’s number 1 tennis player got a US Open disqualification for hitting a ball from a line judge. And while many fans will complain about the staggered starting format, no one can argue that the FedEx Cup has crowned an appropriate champion. But seriously, show some life, DJ! You just won $ 15 million!
Aww, that was nice. And it made DJ smile. A type of.
Xander Schauffele at East Lake: If you should be feeling bad for a golfer other than me this week, it’s this guy who did it never shot above par in 16 competitive rounds on the Atlanta track. All Schauffele did was hit the lowest 72-hole score by three shots and beat Johnson by four. Yet, due to the extravagant format, he goes without an official PGA Tour title and with less than a third of DJ’s winnings. Rough. But on the plus side, it gets Official World Golf Ranking points for the win! Yippy! OK, so he might prefer a $ 15 iTunes gift card.
By the way, Dan Hicks said on Monday’s broadcast that Xander eats at the same restaurant every night at the Tour Championship, just like I do at the Players Championship! Except that I eat at Chili’s and I don’t make millions of dollars at the end of the week.
Daniela Holmqvist’s hops: This is a pretty specific workout for this week’s ANA Inspiration, where the winner traditionally jumps into Poppie’s pond:
If you told me Daniela can crush like Dustin (did you know she can crush ?!), I’d believe it. It is impressive.
How Brooks met Jena: Jena Sims attended the home team podcast and explained the details on one of the most talked about relationships in the world. Apparently, it all started when Sims walked into Brooks Koepka’s DMs with a selfie in a donut tank top while standing in front of a plant with the line “Does this plant make me look tanned?” Soon after, Jena told Brooks she was going to be in Augusta Masters week (she wouldn’t be) and they decided to meet. Then he actually planned to go to Augusta and the rest is history.
If this isn’t the plot for the next great romantic comedy, I don’t know what it is.
The “diaper factor”: At least, we’re selling it this week. The interesting betting theory first hypothesized by British economist Keith Elliott in a 1996 book on golf gambling states that new dads tend to have a baby bump. After Rory McIlroy’s opening 64, I was ready to believe it, but it blocked the rest of the way. That said, it looks like another star is buying into this one. “I no longer keep the figures, but I know from two different sources that DeChambeau recently revealed to fellow pro Andrew Landry that he calculated the win rate of the new fathers and it is abnormally high,” Elliott told The Telegraph. Wow. If you thought Bryson’s power-up sparked a lot of buzz, can you imagine if he’s doing this his next experiment ?! Speaking of golf gambling …
My Tour Championship Betting: This tournament presents strange scenarios even for gamblers because you can bet on the “winner” or the actual winner. Sure, yours really got it all wrong. I bet on Justin Thomas, Webb Simpson and Daniel Berger to get the low score of 72 holes as I took Xander (the week before) to win the FedEx Cup. Oops. Xander owns East Lake, yet I didn’t bet on him to get the lowest score in East Lake. I hope this baby doesn’t inherit my critical thinking skills or my slice.
Hitting a shot this close to an alligator:
I appreciate not wanting to ruin a good round, but, NOPE!
The PGA Tour heads to Napa Valley for the Safeway Open, which is that event where people are always like, “Wait, is another season of the PGA Tour already starting? That must be a mistake!” But that’s not a mistake . And actually, thanks to the end of the Tour Championship’s Labor Day, this low season is only two days instead of the usual three. Not exactly a lot of time to get bigger like Bryson. Or become a dad.
About Random Tournaments: Cameron Champ’s emotional victory which was crowned by a phone call from her father to ailing grandfather on the 18th green was an incredible way to start the 2019-2020 PGA Tour season. Sure, it looks like the last millennium and not the last year.
CASUAL BETS OF THE WEEK
—Dustin Johnson worries about having only one major right now: 15 MILLION to 1 odds
—Phil Mickelson will win the Safeway Open: 20 to 1 odds (actual odds, co-favorite!)
—This week’s winner will show more emotion than Dustin Johnson: LOCK
I immediately thought it was Chris Powers from Golf Digest, but then I remembered he was on his honeymoon. Then I also remembered that he had been on our weekly gambling podcast from his honeymoon earlier in the week … so maybe this was Chris.
Check out Long Drive World Champion Kyle Berkshire hitting a lob longer than I can hit a driver:
That’s 260 yards. With a slice of lob. Good God. OK, maybe it’s good that I take an extended break from playing. It’s just depressing.
THIS WEEK ON TOUR PRO PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION
Tony Finau’s wife, Alayna, who encouraged him as the only fan following him was delightful:
THIS WEEK ON TOUR THE PROS ARE LIKE US
Rory Chunk Ilroy, everyone!
I know rough is lumpy, but it was, well, unexpected. And, yes, encouraging for hackers around the world. Thanks, Rory.
“It is fantastic. I don’t think … you see other people who have kids and babies, and you say congratulations and you’re happy for them, but you don’t have a real … you don’t really know what that feels like. Now that I do, whoever I know has a child, there is even more … there is so much admiration for the mother, for what goes on, and it’s just amazing that this … you feel like you know your baby while still in his mother’s womb, but going from not having met this person to unconditional love for her overnight is just … there is nothing like it in the world. And so many people have experienced it and so many people have experienced it. It’s probably the best part of being a human being and I’m glad I lived it. “-Rory McIlroy always seems to have the right words. Well said. And congratulations. And hopefully our daughters can be friends. Forget all that “ChunkIlroy” thing I said …
Congratulations to John Catlin for winning his first European tour title just a few weeks after being disqualified from an event for going out to dinner with his caddy. From breaking the bubble to bursting bubbles, a nice twist in events. … Catlin won at Valderrama with a score of 72 holes of two on par. The USGA was intrigued by Valderrama who hosted a US Open until they realized the course is in Spain. … With the forecast of 105-115 degrees at this week’s ANA Inspiration, caddies will be able to use the trolleys. You may also need to allow daily access to Poppie’s Pond. … And finally, somehow I just discovered these mini ice cream cones from Trader Joe’s:
RANDOM QUESTIONS TO PULSE
How the hell did DJ get to pick up those consecutive 80s?
How the hell is DJ going to spend that $ 15 million?
When will I be able to play golf again?
.
