«My head is not 100% focused on football, and I don’t know if it ever will be again. Isolating myself during this process took a toll on me, I cried for anything and I was not able to see beyond a black tarp,” says the Asturian, who was on leave for mental health.
09 may 2024 . Updated at 12:15 a.m.
Naturally and being aware that giving visibility to a taboo topic could help others. So she faced Laura Gutiérrez, Laurina, (Luanco, 2000) a mental health leave that kept her away from football for several months. «She was sunk. I was getting worried, because it was no longer a bad streak, but had extended over time. “She needed to keep me away from football, she was generating rejection towards him,” recalls the player of the Women’s sports.
—After a few difficult months, the promotion will have given you an emotional boost.
—Yes, at all levels. You touch hell a little and it seems that now you touch heaven. It has been a relief to finish the season well and enjoying it after having a very bad time. The three days after the promotion have been the best of my life, especially the celebration day. What atmosphere was there, how everything happened…
—When does your head click?
—I would say that it was forged over time. It was something that came from behind and that I had not stopped to manage. Many times things happen to you and you decide to move forward, keeping it to yourself. And, when there is no more space, it explodes and comes out. There wasn’t a specific day, but the weekend we played against Alhama there I already noticed that I reached the limit. At the end of the game I spoke to my parents and told them about my situation. I wasn’t feeling well, I had been like this for a while, and I had to find a solution, because I wasn’t enjoying it. I was sunk. I was getting worried, because it was no longer a bad streak, but had extended over time. I needed to get away from football, I was generating rejection towards it and everything that had to do with it. I didn’t feel like going to train and I barely wanted to leave the house. My companions tried to pull me, but I didn’t feel like it. I wanted to lock myself in, at home. I felt vulnerable, and I thought the only way to not feel that way was to isolate myself. It took a lot of toll on me.
—Emotionally it would be hard to manage.
—I felt like a flan. I’m not a person who tears easily, but those months I didn’t stop… I cried for anything, I felt that everything was gray and sad, that there was nothing that excited me. She felt like she had a black tarp in front of her and she couldn’t see beyond it. I consider myself a super cheerful and energetic person, I really like living and enjoying the little things, but for many months nothing was right. The more I locked myself away, the more harm I did to myself and the more intrusive thoughts I had. I went into a loop. They were difficult months.
—How did you reverse the situation?
—I needed to get out of there. The only way I saw to get away from all that was to go home. Once there, I felt like I could breathe. I always worked with a sports psychologist and everything focused on Laurina: how she performed, how she could achieve certain goals… But I put myself in the hands of a psychologist for Laura, to settle my life. It was the best decision I made. There were many things I hadn’t worked on and needed to do. With a complete treatment we look for a solution for Laura so that she can then return to being Laurina.
—First focus on your head, make sure everything is fine. Then the rest will come.
—We forget that, if the head is not right, nothing is right. I have known this since I was little, but until something like this happens to you you are not 100% aware of the influence that the head has on everything.
—How did what was happening convey to both Irene and her companions?
—Irene was the first to find out. I opened up to her to explain my situation at the Alicante airport, after playing against Alhama. I told her that she needed to get me away to get well and decide what to do. I was having a hard time going to training, and it seemed fair that she knew that. She gave me the confidence to open up and express everything I felt. Her reaction was understanding and she made things easier for me. She spoke to the club before I did. This was on a Monday and on Wednesday we meet again, now calmer. There we concluded that yes, I had to go home. Everything was easy. On Thursday, the last day of November, I go to Abegondo and talk to my colleagues. Was a shock, none of them expected it. He wanted to give it all the naturalness in the world and not try to cover it up with a muscle injury. In fact, the club asked me if I wanted it to be communicated that I was leaving the group due to mental health. I said yes, these things must be given the space they deserve. It’s one more injury.
—It is a taboo topic that is not valued.
-Well yes. People with a bit of media focus can express it to try to make society see it as normal. Maybe a 15-year-old girl is going through a similar situation and if she sees what happens to Laurina, she is able to verbalize it.
«My head is not 100% in football and I don’t know if it will ever be again»
Laura now begins a process in which she must assess whether to continue in Dépor or, at least, linked to this world of sport.
—How did your return feel, and how did it take place?
—I returned a couple of months later, little by little and settling. Very progressive. I’m in A Coruña for a few days first, with my parents, away from football. Little by little I’m going to Abegondo, I see my teammates and the football routine again. Everything very progressively, because I didn’t want to take one step forward and four steps back. The club, at all times, gave me the possibility of deciding the times in this process and that everything was based on me. I was always listened to and there was a lot of interest in how I was doing and in the steps I wanted to take. We wanted to avoid everything happening at once and manage everything in due time. Everything was done very well and a lot of care was taken in the process, which was essential for me to return well.
—They made her feel valued as a person, no longer as a player.
-Well yes. In the end I am here as a footballer, but that you give me value as a person… It is essential. That’s missing a lot in many places, especially in such demanding environments. You have to give a performance, and it is very difficult to think about what a person is, what could be happening to them to not perform. From the outside it is very easy to say how bad it is or to criticize. We have our lives exposed, and if you don’t know how to manage that, it’s hard.
—His return meant a lot to the rest of his companions.
—When I left it was a bit desolate and sad. Just like when I left it was a surprise, I returned through Abegondo without them knowing. Since I gave you bad news, let it be something nice and encouraging that you see me back. I appeared suddenly and it was very nice.
—Mental issues require a lot of healing time, your head will not be 100% focused on football.
—It’s not here and I don’t know if it ever will be again, honestly. I think I have to adjust expectations to reality, and the reality is that football today is not the same and I don’t know if it will be again. Now I prioritize Laura and what Laura needs and requires. All the decisions you make will be thinking about her. I still don’t know if I will continue at Dépor or in football. There are many things in my head to organize, feel out and decide. We will have to talk to the club and myself and, from there, decide what will be best for both parties.
Filed in: Women’s Sports
2024-05-08 22:15:00
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