Kíiv“We were told on the radio that a colleague had died in an attack on the hotel. We got there, and the dead man was there. Flies flew over him. The stench was unbearable. And my deformed mind made me ignore the dead and made me think: “Go heat some food, you have to eat, you need strength, because you have to survive”.
These words are from Víktor, a 26-year-old infantryman from the 110th Mechanized Brigade of the Ukrainian army, written from Avdiivka, where he and his comrades have spent the last two years of their lives to defend the city. Originally from Lviv, he was a coach at a cycling club before the Russian invasion, two years ago now. His story of joining the army is that of many Ukrainian soldiers: he wanted to be useful and help his country and decided that, after the invasion, the peaceful life was over.
Of the 730 days of war, Víktor spent 620 on the front line. Now he lies in a hospital bed in the Kharkiv region, with a “Joker’s smile”, as he calls his wound, visible on his face. Avdiivka, which she swore to defend, is no longer Ukrainian: Russia toppled her just a few days ago. “A gift from Putin to himself on his birthday and for the elections [aquest març]”, commented some soldiers who participated in this withdrawal. The exact details of the fall of Avdíivka are still unknown, as are the number of casualties and wounded. The soldiers say there came a time when they simply had nothing to defend themselves with. Ammunition was missing. Ukraine has been warning the West for months that this could happen.
The Víktor was entrenched in an old air defense unit, full of underground bunkers, located about two kilometers south of Avdíivka. This structure was called Zenit, and it became a key defensive position for Kyiv during the last weeks of battles. Victor had to escape in the dark of night when the fall of the city to the Russians was imminent. Now, the soldier talks about the difficult retreat from Avdíicka, about apathy and morale, about exhaustion and loss of health, about the indifference that can be felt towards the war.
Was it difficult for you to decide to go to war?
— No, I remember that it was easy for me to decide. Little by little I became hardened to the attacks of the enemy. He felt euphoria after successfully repelling an attack, after surviving. I began to value life twice as much. During the war I read the book Hagakure about the way of the samurai, and I learned something from it. My attitude towards death changed… I was no longer afraid of it. When we were surrounded in Zenit, shortly before the retreat, I seriously considered committing suicide with a grenade. It would have been impossible to think of such a thing before.
How was the retreat?
— We were totally isolated at Zenit. The Russians cut off the supplies and, for example, we only had water left for a day. Seeing this scene, they ordered us to retreat. When they gave the order, we began to form groups according to our criteria: the bravest, the strongest and the youngest would be the first to go, and then in descending order. I became the leader of the fourth group, but when the first group went out, it was massacred, and only three soldiers returned, wounded. All attempts to leave that day were stopped by the Russians. So we had to try for the next few days. The situation got worse, because there were wounded, some of whom had to stay. When we decided to try again, we all understood that the next step was death. But we had no other choice.
What did you see while running away?
— It was dark and you could see almost nothing… I could only see something when I turned on a flashlight I was carrying. But it was dangerous: the enemy, who detected us, shot us. Most of us soldiers managed to get out – I think 70% of us were saved. During the retreat, however, I saw bodies lying everywhere, some of them dead and others wounded, trying to hide where they could.
What was it like to fight in Avdíivka?
— The last month before losing Avdíivka, the situation was very depressing. Every day we had wounded. If you survived one day, you could be hunted down by the Russians the next. The attacks of the Russians were constant. Imagine you are defending a position and suddenly you are told over the radio, “a tank is heading your way.” You looked up and you could already see a Russian tank 50 meters away that was shooting at us. At the end of it all, the enemy had us completely surrounded and simply waited for us to come out to hunt us down as we tried to escape across the countryside.
In the last month before losing Avdíivka, the situation was very depressing. Every day we had wounded. If you survived one day, you could be hunted by the Russians the next day”
Are you tired?
— Of the 730 days of war, I spent 620 on the zero line, only 500 meters from the Russians. Even moving to go to the toilet was already a big risk. Of course I feel tired. I think we need to take better care of the soldiers, and give us time to recover. In any case, this will be for those who will come, because we are already exhausted. We are all broken. We have been in this war for so long without a break that we are already broken.
Does war have interesting stories?
— In war, all stories are bad. To retreat from positions, to have a wounded comrade arrive with his intestines hanging out, to experience an assault like the one we experienced in January, when two-thirds of my comrades were killed or wounded. Sometimes we drank rainwater, purifying it with tablets.
Is there nothing good?
— The only good thing in war is cats. And yet, my story with cats ended badly, because I had to give up mine Dreaming [el nom del seu gat] in Zenit The transport cage had already arrived and I wanted him to run away with me, but it was not possible. And now I see the Russians recording videos of my Kuzia on their Telegram channels.
We have been in this war so long without a break that we are already broken”
What do you do while there are no attacks?
— In the positions, for example, we have internet and we spend a lot of time there. But I also read a lot and wrote down all the books I read in a list. In two years, I read more than 80 books. I write poems and texts about war.
Do you believe in victory?
— Right now I have a hard time believing it. Everyone is talking about the collapse of the Russian state… I don’t see it so clearly. I often wonder what motivates Russian soldiers to come and wage war in our country? Its prisoners say that, above all, it is the money they receive for doing it.
2024-02-24 22:28:48
#considered #killing #grenade
