With a monthly salary of six million euros gross (journal estimate L’It isteam in March 2023), star Kylian Mbappé can make certain parents believe in a golden future for their child. Some people can already see themselves in the boxes of the Parc des Princes admiring their name plastered on one of the jerseys that walk on the lawn. But if the dream is allowed, it nonetheless remains very uncertain. Among the large million young people under the age of 18 licensed to the French Football Federation, only a handful will experience the elite.
Tired of statistics, parents – especially fathers – set up “Mbappé Projects” for their children. This hashtag (#projetmbappe) is flourishing on social networks in videos where little boys appear, with a ball on their feet, coached by their family. Witness to a major trend which affects many sports and transforms adults into pressure factors for young athletes. Even without falling into these extremes, it is not always easy to find your place in the stands or around the pitch. The temptation to go beyond simple encouragement is great.
“The risk of losing the leisure dimension”
“More than ever, parents are trying to get involved in everything, it’s exhausting, deplores William Mhadjou, an educator in Île-de-France for twenty-five years. From the 7-8 year old categories, some constantly intervene to tell their children what should be done. » Remarks on refereeing and criticism of the coach’s choices thus pollute the matches of children who are still very young. The climate created is deleterious. “We feel the pressure the children are subjected to by parents who only come in the hope of a professional future”, assures the technical director of the CO Vincennes (Val-de-Marne). According to Julien Bois, doctor in Staps at the University of Pau and expert on the role of parents, “ the family’s overinvestment is felt by the child who no longer plays his sport for the right reasons. He seeks to respond to an expectation. The risk is to lose the leisure dimension ».
So how should you behave when your child plays sports? “The objective is not to become a source of pressure, or even suffering, but to opt for an educational approach, suggests Meriem Salmi, psychologist specializing in sport. It is important not to value the result, but courage and perseverance. » Regardless of the outcome of the tournament or match, parents must stick to a role of companion and support. As many sports players recall, no athlete has had a successful career without losing. “Defeats should not feel like a catastrophe and become a trauma for the child”adds the psychotherapist. “If you love your son, you love him all the time, whether he wins or loses”adds William Mhadjou.
For parents, become aware of their role
At stake: the notion of unconditional love, a pillar of security and construction for children. However, it finds itself undermined if the emotional relationship depends on a performance. “It is sometimes mechanical and involuntary, explains Julien Bois. Traveling 300 kilometers to see your child lose at the start of a tournament can be frustrating, but this disappointment is heartbreaking for a child. » He sees his parents’ love shaken by his own actions, in this case a lost meeting. To the sporting challenge is then added that of winning the pride and smile of one’s parents. Too heavy and unhealthy a challenge.
Sport must remain a pleasure, an educational pastime to learn a lot of precious human values, the famous “school of life”, a cliché assumed by William Mhadjou. But, even if they are rare, some children develop abilities that are out of the ordinary and have real potential. For these, support is always key. According to Meriem Salmi, former head of psychological monitoring at the National Institute of Sport, Expertise and Performance (Insep), who supports professional athletes (Teddy Riner, Romain Grosjean, etc.), the main thing is to stay their place as parents and to constitute a refuge for the child.
“The training rhythms can be very intense for young children or adolescents. Parents and the home must serve as a place of resources”, she recommends. A path to performance that necessarily involves the whole family as the sacrifices are so important. “You have to measure your investment, invites Julien Bois. Encourage, show interest, be available, but don’t overdo it to avoid generating additional pressure. » And for all those involved in this world of sports training, the urgency is to raise awareness. “Parents must realize their role”wishes Meriem Salmi who, more broadly, regrets the lack of psychological care for young athletes.
