“I would tell him that I forgive him”

“One last thing, I would like to tell him that I forgive him. That I love him and that I forgive him, that’s what I would tell him.”

The one who speaks on the other end of the phone and from Italy is Lautaro31 years old, the eldest son of Julio Cesar Toresani. He Eggthat remembered and beloved ex-soccer player with steps through Boca, River, Independiente, Colón and Unión, among other teams, who became famous in the 1990s for fighting (and making friends) with Diego Maradona. And that exactly 4 years ago he made the decision to take his own life.

Toresani killed himself at dawn on April 22, 2019, in his native Santa Fe, plunged into a deep depression. A couple of weeks before she had had a failed first attempt, when a stomach pump saved him from a combo of pills. He had separated from his second wife and had been kicked out of a Uruguayan team in which he lasted as DT for just a couple of months after a fight with a leader.

He had no job, was under psychiatric treatment and lived with a friend. His economic situation was not ideal, but what affected him the most was that football did not lend him a hand. He did not want to use his contacts, he did not ask for help either.

Four years later, Lautaro talks about that typical autumn morning in the provincial capital, grey, cold and rainy. He had just arrived at work and it was his sister who called him to give him the news. He didn’t need to tell her anything, his crying on the other side of the line made him “drop the token”, as he himself describes that horrible feeling that runs through your body from time to time.

“Remembering the old man is a pleasure”he responded on Instagram to Clarion from Ancona, a city located in the center of Italy, on the coast of the Adriatic Sea. He arrived there a year ago, left his job in a social work and went in search of new horizons, “from scratch”, like so many. She had it hard too. She recently got her citizenship and she is excited about getting a job now that summer is coming around those latitudes. In it, meanwhile, she did odd jobs “painting apartments” and her love for baseball stands out, playing in a local league or teaching at a little school.

“I cut off my sister’s phone and got into a taxi to go home. They gave the news on the radio and the driver told me about my dad. it looked like a movie, I was like gone, I needed to be with my family. I am the eldest and I had to take care of all the paperwork, it was all very hard, it took me a while to grieve.”

Being the son of a soccer player means following the course of their shirts, and Lautaro’s life was spent between Santa Fe and Buenos Aires, with a brief stint in Chile. “I think we had the happiest moment in his time at Boca. My old man took me to practice, we went onto the pitch with him. That stage was the one I enjoyed the most. I could feel what he was transmitting to the fans, I I liked to see that from the eyes of a boy, that they ask him for autographs. I am from Boca, like all my family”.

But talking about Toresani is also talking about Maradona thanks to that legendary fight in a Boca – Colón, which led to a historic phrase by Diego: “Segurola and Havana, 4310 7th floor, and let’s see if it lasts 30 seconds”, bellowed the one with the yellow lock, from the Bombonera dressing room. Later they became such friends that 10 asked for it for the Xeneize. And after the death of Egg recorded a video lamenting his departure.

“My old man had a very special personality, he died in his own. If he saw an injustice, he would tell you. It was a time when it was frowned upon to argue with some people but he never shut up. For a reason they called him ‘Crazy’. He had that personality and he died like that, never changed. That’s what I get from him. That way of being made him fight with Diego, he didn’t care that it was Maradona. Later they became good friends, he almost took him to Dorados, the story could have been different for my old man.”

In 2019, Diego said goodbye to the Egg with a message: “I hope that the children have the same heart as their father.”

“Yes, Diego said it. My old man was a player for Boca but I think that what Diego liked the most was that that day they fought he didn’t care about anything and he defended his own, that personality. He captivated him and a year later he loved him. asked for Boca”, says Lautaro.

That row with Diego in October 1995 was extinguished thanks to the intervention of a character of whom there was no record until today, almost 30 years later, thanks to Lautaro’s testimony: Daniel Alberto Passarella.

“We talked about the fight a lot of times. My old man wanted to go fight him, he told me that it was Daniel Passarella who intervened there and told him not to continue with that. Passarella had had him as a coach at River and he knew him, he told him that he was going to get into a quilombo. People were bitching about him when he arrived in Boca but he won over the fans with his way of playing. He always told me that he should never have left Boca, it was one of the most He regretted it. Bianchi came on top and was champion of everything”.

Lautaro talks about his father and mentions him in the present. Or he says “lately” when he recounts the events prior to that April 2019, as if the time of his words was still stuck there.

“One learns to live with pain. I keep what he was as a father, husband and friend. The values ​​he instilled in me. He was a cheerful person and tried to give everyone a hand.. He helped everyone, and I’m sure he lost a lot of what he earned in his football days for being so generous. I don’t know if what I feel is anger but when he needed a rope they turned their backs on him. For me he is present every day of my life, I often dream of him.”

Toresani’s son does not want to talk about the culprits; he learned to accept that the decision was his father’s. Of course, he is clear that there were people who could do something more to help him. He says that he took a project to Colón “but they didn’t give him a ball.” Also that they called him to be on TV as a panelist for an important program but he escaped the cameras.

“My old man was a person who, even though he was dead inside, always pushed forward, said that life was to be lived, made jokes. He gave no sign of what he ended up doing. He was kind of sad, he was closed, it was hard for him to ask help. And that’s not good. A couple of weeks before he had taken some pills, he was washed and a doctor friend of his began to treat him. Everything was fine. But I feel that when someone makes the decision, nobody finds out. She gave the image that everything was fine. I take care of my part but it was his life, he was a great person, it was not in his head. Yes, today I tell you that he would have done something else. I felt guilty for a long time.”

Lautaro remembers his last talk with Julio César. He went to visit him at that last resting place, improvised for marital reasons. They drank mate, made jokes, laughed and escaped for a while from that delicate moment that the former soccer player was going through.

“I didn’t see any hints or signs of anything. He always told me the same thing when we said goodbye, he told me ‘Son, I love you’. I remember that that day we gave each other a big hug and we agreed to see each other but it was the last time I saw him. saw”.

Despite the fact that it was said that Toresani had left letters, Lautaro says that his father did not leave anything. “I wanted there to be some letter but there was nothing, I would have loved it. I take it as one more madness of him. I calculate that when the time comes he will have regretted it.”

“I accept it but I don’t understand it. I look for things, occasions. My old man had a very high life. He was famous, people recognized him. There are people who, when that stardom fades away, feel empty. I looked for it on that side. No I say that I agree with his decision, obviously not, but I understand the emptiness that he must have felt. I remain calm because I was able to enjoy the time he lived, and also because I can say that he had a very happy life.. It was only this last time that she broke down a bit. I remain with his values, with his desire to live and move forward, even if it sounds crazy.”

Finally, one last question: if you could say something to the old man, what would you say?

“When you grow up, it takes time to have a friendly relationship with your parents. And today I feel that I would like to have a talk like that with him, drinking mate, and talking about everything, without shame. I would love to ask him things, get to know him more. I feel that this is a debt that I have left… And one last thing, I would like to tell you that I forgive you. That I love him and that I forgive him, that’s what I would tell him.”

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