Why we all go to the ‘useless’ meeting together | Chantal van der Leest

“Shall we then schedule a follow-up meeting?” your manager asks. Everything inside you is screaming: No, please, no more hours of this pointless chatter. You look at your colleagues, but they don’t make a sound. Everyone apparently thinks it’s fine to waste even more time, so you nod meekly. Okay then. If everyone wants to continue meeting, then so be it. The only question is: don’t the others secretly think the same as you, and don’t they say anything?

It happens countless times that we think we are the only one. That we’re the only ones in a room who don’t understand what the speaker is saying, that we’re the only ones who don’t want to drink alcohol on a Monday night. While very often it turns out that we actually belong to a silent majority. Pluralistic ignorance is this called, or: multiple negation.

It’s a bit like the fairy tale of the emperor’s new clothes. Everyone sees the emperor walking around naked and being cheated by his tailors, but no one dares to say anything. Often we don’t notice from others that they actually agree with us. Those who doubt often do and say nothing. And whoever is silent agrees, we think.

For example, it can happen that people together maintain something that no one really supports anymore. An annual staff party that no one wants to attend. Or on a larger scale: that black people in America were treated differently in the 1960s, while hardly anyone thought that was fair. Or that no climate measures are being taken by the government, while most Dutch people indicate that they are in favor of government measures.

A survey or a poll can provide insight into what people really think in silence. Or you can help people over a threshold by helping them to do what they actually want. For example, there are stickers for public buildings that indicate that women are allowed to breastfeed their children. And stickers for retailers with ‘Feel free to bring your own packaging’ for people who want to prevent plastic waste. Sometimes one person can make a difference by saying what everyone else is already silently thinking. Like in the fairy tale the child who dared to say that the emperor had no clothes on.

Want to know more about psychology and work? Read Chantal’s books Why perfectionists are rarely happy, 13 tips against perfectionism (2021) and Our fallible thinking at work (2018).

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