Oops, you’re there already?! Awkward! Just give me a moment, I’m sorting through the supplies in my boxer shorts. Van Gaal Quickie? Beware! I am looking for a muesli bar. After all, a TV obituary writes so badly with a hungry branch.
Are you feeling fooled? Sorry, I was only inspired by the universal egocentric Ronaldo when I was watching TV.
His idiosyncratic new interpretation of the “Hand of God” in the win against Ghana (3:2) remains THE Ronaldo scene of this World Cup for me, even after three weeks of TV. If you’re a fan of his, read no further…
Hammer statements after the World Cup “Ronaldo is a bitchy, conceited diva”
How CR7 groped around in his pants with his left flipper in the 36th minute for a Rolex-timed 16 seconds, only to pull out fresh chewing gum and slide it between the turbo-bleached teeth was a final demonstration of his wide-legged character!
What was that supposed to be? A new “signature move” following his swaggering and a million times copied trademark goal celebration (Siiiuuu)! Should our children in the village squares of this world also imitate the knicker sorter from now on? Mercy, the offspring are already talking about it…
Maradona’s “Hand of God” reinterpreted: Cristiano Ronaldo foraging in his pants during the Ghana game…
Of course you can be moved by Portugal’s sensational knockout against Morocco (0:1) and Ronaldo’s farewell tears like ZDF compassionate woman Katrin-Müller-Hohenstein (“Well, that touches me!”) or humbled like expert Per Mertesacker (“I I’m grateful that I got to play against Cristiano a few times.”). But relief is also an option: Yes, Ronaldo (5 Champions League titles) gave us football moments for eternity. Nevertheless: Finally the ego show is over! We are finally freed from this abnormal self-portrayal.
Or is a top club seriously considering signing Ronaldo (turns 38 on February 5) again?
The best thing on Saturday evening was that the Mainzel men sent commentator Béla Réthy to the blessing of the Holy Ronaldo: Even when the self-proclaimed GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) came on (51 minutes) Béla calmly picked the right one in his penultimate World Cup game , because critical altitude: “Will Ronaldo take responsibility now, or will he rather think of himself?” Answer: He’ll just go down!
Réthy sets his walk into the catacombs to music without lards: “We saw tears in Ronaldo’s eyes. They didn’t begrudge him such an end: he left Manchester United, was a substitute in his national team, in his Portugal. A sad end for a great champion.”
Honestly, I find it much more regrettable that Rethy (“The face twitches. The tongue is hanging out. Morocco is already celebrating!”) disconnecting his microphone forever next week!
“For me, this World Cup is over now” – Neon-Müller-Hohenstein (right) moderated her last show on Saturday evening with ZDF experts Per Mertesacker (left) and Christoph Kramer
What’s left of Ronaldo’s fifth World Cup? More moments of self-love – Mr. Portugeil didn’t have much to do anymore in terms of sport…
► His absurd show of jubilation after his phantom goal in the Uruguay game. Thomas Helmer, get hacked! Why didn’t you celebrate your famous (and recognized!) Fata Morgana goal like this in 1994? After all: Fifa later felt compelled to use graphics to prove that Ronaldo NATURALLY had no hairline when attempting a header on the ball. ARD man Tom Bartels already senses the roast in the live commentary and asks for scientific assistance: “Maybe we can please check again in Mainz who we are now attributing this goal to…”
► His me-me-me face before the penalty against Ghana.
► His me-me-me party escape after Portugal’s 6-1 win over Switzerland, in which he was on the bench until the 73rd minute.
► His staged me-me-me departure after leaving.
Ronaldo RAUS! Morocco creates a mega sensation
“I’m a fruit that people want to bite into – like a strawberry,” said Ronaldo modestly shortly before the start of the World Cup.
After the World Cup it’s Christmas and in our supermarket there’s only watery greenhouse strawberries from van Gaal-Landen. But I certainly don’t want to involve our Dutch friends in this ego affair.
Now that it’s getting more contemplative, I have a listening tip for CR7 from the NDW days: “Geil” from “Bruce & Bongo”. Refrain: “Everybody’s cool – gggg-cool!” After all, everything goes faster to the cerebrum with music. For his teammates, however, it comes too late…
