It took me half my life to realize that the best way to get along with people generally follows a logic: respect is standard, reliability is high, and kindness is top.
Schiller famously said: “He who does not respect others will not respect him.” To respect others is to respect oneself. “Book of Changes” said: “Don’t be flattering when you hand in, and don’t be blasphemous when you hand in hand.”
Do not be flattering to those who are stronger than you, and do not despise those who are weaker than you. This is the kindness of a person’s heart, and it is also a person’s personality and cultivation.
The story of comedy Chaplin: On a tour, Chaplin met an audience who had long admired him. The two had a great conversation, so the audience invited Chaplin to his home.
The other side is a baseball fan. He took Chaplin to visit his baseball collection room and happily introduced various collections to Chaplin. Chaplin smiled throughout, always listening.
When he got home, he immediately contacted a baseball star and asked him to autograph the friend’s baseball cap. People around him were surprised by this, because Chaplin was naturally quiet and not keen on baseball. Chaplin said, “Although I don’t like baseball, my friends do.”
The writer Bai Xianyong also has a story: for a while, Bai Xianyong’s youth version of “The Peony Pavilion” caused a sensation in the whole country, and many people were praising and discussing this work. But his friend Chen Wenqian was not interested at all, so he never mentioned the play in front of Chen Wenqian.
Later, when Chen Wenqian found out, she said with emotion: “I am very grateful for this! He can be innovative, I can be stubborn, and no one will convince anyone.”
The philosopher Kant said: “I respect any independent soul, although some I do not recognize, but I can understand as much as possible.”
In this world, everyone’s experiences and positions are different. Do not seek common ground, but seek mutual respect. When interacting with people, the first thing we have to do is to give them enough respect. Respect other people’s interests, respect other people’s three views, respect each other’s differences.
“Mencius Lilou Chapter Sentences”: Those who respect people, people will always respect them. You can only earn respect if you know how to respect it. Equal treatment and mutual respect are the most basic rules of human interaction.
Mr. Yang Jiang said: “A person’s character is the master of his ability; and his ability is only the servant of his character.” Fang knows that the most important feature of a person with good character is reliability.
Reliability reflects not only a person’s attitude towards doing things, but also a rare moral cultivation. I have heard a saying: “To really make friends, you need to find reliable people, and smart people can only chat.”
What is reliable?
Someone once made an incisive definition: there are explanations everywhere, everything is settled, and everything has an echo. Whether a person is worth interacting with and whether they can get along for a long time often depends on how reliable he is.
The netizen has a cousin in his hometown, and a friend of his owns a decoration company. Usually this friend is always enthusiastic, calling others brothers and sisters, often saying that if you need help, you can come to him.
Last year, when his cousin’s new house was going to be renovated, he naturally thought of that friend. The other party talked eloquently, and quickly came up with a design plan. When his cousin saw that it was just what he wanted, he quickly signed a decoration contract with him and paid a deposit.
It wasn’t until the actual construction started that my cousin discovered that it was not the case at all. Originally said to guarantee the quality of the materials, but the result is inferior products. His cousin hurriedly asked him to replace it, and the man promised that there would be no problem, but actually delayed it.
What could have been completed in 3 months ended up dragging on for more than half a year. His cousin was also suffering and couldn’t tell, so he could only secretly suffer from this dumb loss. Unreliable people always only pay attention to their promises, but they always get nothing.
In life, there are many such people who talk about it in words, but never put it into practice. When things go wrong, they just pass the buck and put it off if they can. Getting along with this kind of person will not only make you nervous all the time, but also make you suffer unnecessary losses.
The ancients often said: “One promise is worth a thousand dollars” and “one word and nine cauldrons”. A promise is not a word, but something as precious as gold. In the Book of Changes, it says, “Those who help people trust them.” People who are truly reliable always act with sincerity and sincerity. They don’t promise easily, but once they nod and agree, they will do their best to do it.
People who are truly reliable have the ability to be reassuring. In this world, there is never a shortage of smart people, but there is a shortage of reliable and down-to-earth people. For the rest of your life, you must walk with reliable people. At the same time, we must always remind ourselves to be a responsible and reliable person. Only if you keep relying on yourself will you meet friends who are as reliable as you.
“Shi Shuo Xin Yu” has a cloud: “Virtue and wisdom come out, industry is extensive but diligence, small wealth depends on diligence, medium wealth depends on wisdom, and great wealth depends on virtue.” A shrewd person always loses the big picture for small profits and cuts his own way; a kind person always sees people’s hearts with foresight and fulfills his life.
There was a piece of news: a classmate who got married gave a big red envelope of 8,888 yuan, but when he got married, he received a return gift of 1,314 yuan from the other party. The party, Xiao Liu, said that he and Chen had a very good relationship when they were in school, and they promised each other that they would get a red envelope of 8,888 yuan when they got married.
When Chen Mou got married two years ago, Xiao Liu gave him a red envelope as promised. “It’s the equivalent of more than two months’ salary, but I feel the promise must be fulfilled in order to be worthy of our brotherhood,” he said.
As a result, when it was Xiao Liu’s turn to hold the wedding, the other party only paid 1314 yuan as a gift, and he didn’t even show up. After so many years of friendship, it is not worth the thousands of dollars in the end.
Xiao Liu recalled the promise they had made back then, and thought of his own efforts over the years, and it was even more chilling. Since then, his relationship with Chen has gradually become estranged.
The maintenance of a friendship usually requires equal contributions from both parties. If there is bias, no matter how good the relationship is, it will fade. As the saying goes: “It’s better to be honest than to care, and it’s better to be shrewd than kind.”
People who really care about you will not only not take advantage of you, but will think for you. The netizen has a colleague A Chuan. When they first met, they once made an appointment to watch a movie together.
After watching the movie and returning home, he found out that he transferred 41 yuan to him, while the movie ticket was only 25 yuan. Later, he told: I bought two Cokes before the ticket, and the 16 yuan was the money he paid for the two Cokes. Since that time, he has found that this person is worthy of deep friendship. He does not take advantage of others, and he is very generous to his friends.
Some people say: “Appreciation of a person starts with appearance, respect for talent, suitability for character, long-term kindness, and finally character.” On the long road of life, we will meet and get to know many people. But only by interacting with people with good character, will the feelings become deeper and more stable with the precipitation of time.
Get along, rely on fate; deep friendship, look at character. People with kindness and good conduct are the most worthy of our deep friendship for a lifetime. Getting along with people is a practice. Su Qin once wrote: I am with whomever I am comfortable with. Those who can enter my heart will be treated as kings, and those who do not enter my heart will not be perfunctory.
In the final analysis, whether people can get along well depends on whether they respect each other first; whether they can make deep friendships mainly depends on whether they are reliable; whether they can go on for a long time depends on their character.
Short-term contacts are based on temperament, and life-long contacts are based on character. The journey of life is long and tortuous, we must walk side by side with the right people.
