The story of the Spanish swimmer who beat depression and alcohol

Jose Carlos Carabias

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After a world record in the 50-meter butterfly and ten world and European medals, the Cordovan swimmer Rafa Muñoz tried to commit suicide twice. He was 20 years old, he was a star and he did not know how to manage the fame and the character that came over him. Today he is 33 years old, works in the logistics center of a multinational sports company and says he feels much happier than when he was an elite athlete. The problem of mental health in sport, flagged by Simone Biles at the Tokyo Games, is still a silent iceberg.

-How are you?

“Perfectly, I have my job, my life and I am a happy person.”

—In his day he admitted having mental health problems.

Today it is a more normalized situation in sport.

-That’s how it is. It can be externalized without being seen as a freak. Having depression, going to the psychologist, is not so rare. Society has evolved and I liken it to two boys or two girls who go hand in hand down the street. Before it was not usual, today it is fortunately normal. There is a lot lacking in sports psychology. Severe cases arise when someone is already seen with the rope around their neck.

“What was your experience?”

—I had a depressive picture, a ‘burnout syndrome’, which means being burned out with your work. He took me away from the sport for about six months. It led me to alcohol, to wanting not to live and luckily it also led me to a psychologist, José Carlos Jaenes. He helped me so much that without him, I wouldn’t be talking to you today. Just as a hairdresser helps you to be more handsome, a psychologist helps you to be better emotionally, to keep your head in order.

“How did you fall into depression?”

—I had a very big sports boom and it saturated my success, I didn’t know how to manage fame, I lacked experience or because I don’t have it innate. Also genetically I am very good at swimming, but not at managing success. I was 20 years old.

-I had studied?

“I made the mistake of dedicating myself one hundred percent to sports.” And you have to combine it with studies. If one leg is limping, you can always dedicate yourself to the other.

“Did your family help you?”

—He helped me as much as he could, he was by my side and he did the best he could. It has been fortunate to have the family that I have. But it wasn’t me, it wasn’t the usual Rafa. My personality was corrupted by mental instability.

—With the time that has passed, why didn’t you know how to manage success?

“Because no one taught me.” They taught me to swim, to face a competition, the pressure of a championship, but not to deal with the media, with sponsors, with events, with the environment … I had no manager, I filtered everything . They were small things, but they are shortcomings in my preparation. I would have needed a little structure next to me. I attended to the press, whether it was good or bad for me, and that’s why it is convenient to reach a middle ground. Today I would know how to manage it.

– Was it generated sports expectations that it could not fulfill?

“That wasn’t my problem.” That didn’t make me anxious. My problem was managing a world record, medals… Being on the crest of the wave, events, press, politicians, publicity. I like to go unnoticed and it was not the situation.

“Does one stop making sense of things?”

-Completely. They are reactions in your mind, being sad, dejected, apathetic, not very receptive, irascible … I started drinking, I broke my rhythm of life, I dedicated myself to going out at night. He came home drunk, he was addicted to alcohol. I drank because I wanted to forget what I had. I went into a very destructive state.

“Is everything forgotten?”

-Completely. Now I think about it and say, but why did I get depressed? Life taught me to learn. Sometimes I don’t even remember. My mind is ready and I don’t want to remember it. I have had no relapses.

—You better than anyone understand the latest cases of mental health of athletes.

“Sure, Simone Biles nailed him by publicly acknowledging him at the Games.” I had to be very saturated to do it. The problem is that many times the athlete is not listened to, we think that he is a complainer. If you train six or eight hours a day, if you make a living out of this, and if you manifest a physical discomfort or a mental problem, you have to listen to him to see what he needs. And this in many minority sports is not taken into account.

“Still swimming?”

“I like swimming because I’m good at it, but I don’t like watching it on television.” I have not seen anything.

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