It’s not quite one of the things viewers might want. But all or nothing is convincing, mostly thanks to Mourinho.
Notorious Kevin Costner dystopian nonsense Water world is the most disappointing movie of all time because it’s not one of the things anyone would want.
Prior to its release, it was widely touted as being both a) the most expensive movie ever and b) spectacular, irrevocable, and irrevocable shit.
Regardless of which of these two important pieces of information makes you want to watch, you will be disappointed with the movie. There are big set pieces and some special effects, sure, but there really isn’t anything that can make your eyes pop out of your skull and make you look F * CKING BRIGHT.
If you expect to ironically enjoy the worst movie ever, like the throwing pot hipster that you obviously are, you too will be left unsatisfied. You just sat through a mediocre, flawed, yet superbly observable Hollywood blockbuster of the 90s.
And that’s the problem with All or nothing: Tottenham Hotspur, the newest, and possibly the most wacky entry in the main Amazon Prime documentary series behind the scenes. It’s just not quite what someone wants to see.
If you’re a Spurs fan hoping for intriguing details and everything you can’t quite guess based on all our knowledge of events and the main characters (and based on the first three episodes, this series really only has one main character), then you won’t really find it.
If you’re a competitive fan looking to sit back and enjoy the Spurs’ Spursy season car crash in all of its grim Spursy glory, then there are even slimmer choices for you here.
This latter point should have already been made clear by the difficult trace that the club itself gave the series. They are happy to see you. They want you to check it out.
This leads to some obvious absurdities for anyone who has even remotely followed Spurs’ season. The 7-2 loss to Bayern Munich is covered because it has to be, but it’s very much the documentary equivalent of Opposition target tweets.
Bad runs are glossed over in a sentence by Tom Hardy (“Spurs have only won three of their last nine Premier League games”), while narrow wins over Bournemouth are extensively recognized. Daniel Levy gets to share how passionately he and Spurs are caring for the wider Tottenham community without dealing with awkward questions about the Stratford plan that would have torn the club out of that community. Mauricio Pochettino’s last 14 games as Spurs manager are done in around 15 minutes with an awkward conversation with the talking head, a few short clips and a little more gloomy Hardy, who is very good at it by the way.
Most noticeably, Pochettino’s departure is off-camera and is instead dealt with through archive messages and an oddly stilted conversation between Harry Kane and Jan Vertonghen over breakfast the next day.
Enter Mourinho. Now we have started. The Tiger King of football and the absolute star of the show. The filmmakers clearly couldn’t believe their luck when he rocked and understandably immediately took full advantage.
And despite the often strangely boring and shallow nature of a show that boasts of its unparalleled approach, it would be wrong to pretend there are no moments of enlightenment or interest.
Mourinho’s desperation to be back in football and his relief at finding a not-too-humiliating way to do it are clear. With all the respect and doggy eyes that a clearly dizzying Daniel Levy Mourinho shows, one has the feeling that both parties are getting something out of what still appears from the outside as a dysfunctional relationship. There is a moment when something approaches real pathos when Levy twitches almost imperceptibly when Mourinho’s time at Chelsea is mentioned. Levy also insists Mourinho remain one of the top two coaches in the world alongside another in the Premier League. Clearly a big Solskjaer fan.
There’s a strong second marriage and unfinished business sentiment here from either side, and there is possibly a much more interesting documentary that just focuses on that Levy-Mourinho dynamic.
It would probably be a lot less fun and silly.
Mourinho obviously feels lost without a football club and while it would be naive to ever be completely captured by anything he does on camera, he seems genuinely determined to prove that he can do well at a club like Spurs.
One thing this series could very well do is please some still skeptical fans because there are moments when they realize they aren’t that very different. His simple reaction (“F * ck”) to the realization that Moussa Sissoko is seen as a huge influence on the dressing room is one such example, but perhaps the standout moment of the three opening episodes is his damn verdict on Serge Aurier, which fully announces became alpha style in front of the full squad literally minutes before a must-win Champions League game in less than a week in the Mourinho era.
“I’m scared of you as a marker because you can use VAR to impose a fucking punishment. I am already telling you, I am afraid of you. “
Well, it doesn’t take amazing tactical insight to spot this Aurier tendency – literally every Spurs fan knows it’s true – but it does show something of Mourinho’s character that he is ready to take it so bare, so early, so to say publicly. and at such a crucial moment.
Aurier scored an impressive third goal in that game as Spurs came down 2-0 and won 4-2. So maybe it works.
Mourinho’s bombastic style is also evident in three important one-on-one interviews that took place in his office at the beginning of his reign and which form the narrative pillars of these early episodes. He tells an enchanted Kane that he can turn him into a global superstar, Dele Alli that he will regret if he does not fulfill his talent, and in Portuguese he discusses the future and a clean plan with Eric Dier.
Jose also literally questions Davinson Sanchez’s testicle strength – “Do you have balls?” – and tells him that he and his Ajax teammates “screwed themselves” in the 2017 Europa League final.
The players are mostly less interesting. There’s a good running gag where every time Tanguy Ndombele appears on the screen, he eats something; One of the fundamental problems with this series is that most viewers already know the ending. I think you might as well have some fun with some premonition. Dele appears smart and confident enough to know what Mourinho is doing, while Kane appears struck by the stars and instantly becomes a massive pet of the teacher.
Mourinho describes Kane as the “silent leader” in one segment, and his attempts as captain during Hugo Lloris’ injury to rally troops before the Games suggest that he should probably stick to that description more literally. Kane is a lot, but he’s not one of the great inspiring speakers. “F * cking guys, let’s win this fucking game.”
Unlike Mourinho, Kane is a deeply unconvincing oath.
Basically Jose and Harry Kane #AllorNothingSpurs documentary pic.twitter.com/xWu2RuKSxo
– Kae Kurd (@KaeKurd) August 31, 2020
With Mourinho, the explosives flow like water, regardless of whether you tell a television to “run away” in another, very staged play with an unconvincing pandemic or, already infamousand told Tottenham’s group of nice guys that they have to be “C *** s but smart c *** s, not stupid c *** s” for 90 minutes.
There’s nothing here to dispel doubts about whether Mourinho is, or can ever be again, the coach Levy still believes he is. But the camera loves Mourinho, the feeling is undoubtedly mutual and he’s far more engaging than Kevin Costner.
Dave Tickner
