Protecting Child Development: Emotional, Social & Cognitive Growth

This Sunday, Novak Djokovic demonstrated admirable nobility and humility by praising two of his greatest adversaries: the Spaniards Rafa Nadal, who was in the stands as a spectator of the grand final of the Australian Open, and Carlos Alcaraz, who beat him, making history. “Bravo Carlos, little titan, young wizard of Oz. A worthy champion, an immense talent, a wonderful person and creator of history,” said the Serbian. This knowing how to be, this ability to look beyond, makes him an example to follow among the youngest and, of course, also for his children.

This is despite the fact that they, their children, probably don’t always see it that way, and their father’s words or decisions don’t always seem right to them. One of the great tennis players in history like Djokovic may also feel, like the rest of the mortal fathers in the world, that “let’s see where the ball comes from now” at home, using tennis as a simile of parenting. And we know that raising a child is not easy, not even for Djokovic.

In fact, a few months ago I shared one of the decisions that has generated the most rejection in his children, Stefan and Tarawho are 11 and 8 years old, respectively: He doesn’t let them have a cell phone and they won’t have one until they are mature enough.. “They complain that everyone at school has one except them,” he said in an interview with Serbian television that has gone viral these days.

Is this a right decision? Isn’t it a way to exclude your children from the activities and environments (even if they are digital) of their friends and peers? “From neuroeducation and digital well-being, it seems like a coherent and responsible decision to me,” he tells us. Elvira Perejón, neuroeducator and specialist in child and adolescent neuropsychology (@educacioninconditional). “It is not about demonizing technology, but rather understanding that a smartphone is not just a phone, it is an open door to social networks, the Internet, personal data and stimuli for which the child’s brain is not yet prepared.”

Perejón emphasizes that It is necessary for children to have worked on many prior skills before giving them their own mobile phone.. Among these skills, the essential ones are that they have learned to manage screen time, that they understand what privacy is, that they know that not everything they see on the internet is real and that they have developed enough self-esteem to not depend on external validation and have clear family rules. “When the mobile arrives before all that is built, it is not a tool: it is an overload,” he warns. “Delaying access is not a punishment, it is a way to protect emotional, social and cognitive development”.

Would you dare not give your child a cell phone if everyone in his class already has one?

Djokovic’s decision is brave because it implies going against the current. Many (probably their own children) will see it as more reckless, since it inevitably leads children to be left out of many plans and many conversations on social networks, if everyone else around them does have one.

When it comes down to it, this means that, no matter how convinced you are of how counterproductive it is to give smartphone to a minor, many parents end up giving up so that their child is not excluded. “This is the most difficult part, the reality for many families. Peer pressure exists and denying it does not help“, comments the neuroeducator. “The first thing is to validate what they feel: it is normal that they want to fit in, feel part of it and not be “the weird ones.”

Elvira Perejón explains that It is essential that parents be very clear about the reason for their refusal to give him a smartphone to your children: “When the decision is made from fear or doubt, it is easier to give in. When it is made from informed conviction, the message arrives with more security and firmness.”

And, facing the explanation given to the childrenthe important thing is to talk to them, give them an argument, so that they understand that Having a cell phone means assuming important responsibilitiesbeyond having social networks or WhatsApp. Responsibilities, he says, such as taking care of privacy, not believing everything you see online, managing social pressure, protecting yourself against manipulation, harassment or contact with strangers. “You don’t learn all this overnight.”

It is also essential not to go alone, says the creator of Club BrainyFamily. “When several families share criteria and agree to delay the cell phone, the pressure goes down a lot, both for the boys and girls and for the parents themselves.” And remember that “educate It is also about making uncomfortable decisions today to protect the self-esteem, security and emotional health of our minors in the future.”

Is this a decision that all families can make?

In addition to group pressure (which, as we have seen, exists and is powerful), there is another reality that makes it very difficult for many families to deny their children a cell phone. So much so that it is one of the reasons that has generated the most controversy on social networks, where some users have pointed out that Novak Djokovic’s purchasing power allows him to always have someone to take his children to school when their parents or anyone in the family can do so. If they have to go to school alone, Who wouldn’t give their child a smartphone to know where they are at all times?

“A boy or girl can be located and communicate with their family without having to have access to social networks, unlimited internet or unsupervised messaging,” says Elvira Perejón, who talks about alternatives much more adjusted to child developmentsuch as watches with limited calls, basic phones without internet access or devices that allow contact only with reference adults. “These options cover the need for security and communication without exposing them to unnecessary risks.”

“The problem is not economic, it is educational,” he highlights. “Giving technology without support is leaving children alone in an environment for which they are not prepared.”