And here we are at the fateful hour of the very last issue of the champions of the week of the year, because it is already the first of the year. Finally technically when I write these words it is December 30, but I wish you a very happy new year anyway. Anyway, let’s go for the last salvo of the most stupid news stories of the year, hoping that 2023 will bring us lots of beautiful, very stupid news stories to continue this tradition.

Reims: they flee their collapsing building, their apartment is robbed

Topito’s analysis: In Reims we are a bit of a deglingo, even when a building collapses we try to steal things. Years of aging in champagne and pink biscuits leave their mark. Happy New Year my city of coronations.

His mom takes him out of school at 15 so he has more time to play Fortnite and earn money

Topito’s analysis: You might be tempted to point to an example of bad parenting, but personally I see it above all as an investment in the future. If the kid is hot to Fortnite he can actually make money easily, whereas geography and French have never brought anyone any money.

Drunk and violent at the Christmas market, he is overpowered by Santa Claus, black belt in judo

Topito’s analysis: The clothes don’t make the monk as they say in the monasteries, here it’s the same: it’s not because the guy was dressed as Santa Claus that he didn’t know how to fight and defend the oppressed. The drunk did well father-whipped his ass anyway, well done judo.

“You have cancer”… the terrifying message sent by mistake from a doctor’s office to hundreds of patients this Christmas

Topito’s analysis: Ouch, you’re talking about a Christmas present… There are automatic messages that are fine examples of failures and can really mess things up. Little thought for all those people who had a bad Christmas because of a stupid mistake.

They hate the song “Last Christmas” and start a kitty to make it disappear

Topito’s analysis: We all have a song that we hold in horror, and it’s true that if it’s one of the Christmas songs that plays everywhere all the time, we can quickly freak out, but from there trying to prohibiting that has a somewhat dictatorial side.

Vladimir Putin is inspired by the “Lord of the Rings” and offers rings to heads of state

Topito’s analysis: The more time passes, the more questions we can ask about the mental health of this person. He’s probably aware that people are going to make a connection with Sauron over those kinds of references, which really doesn’t help his cause.

Peru: Police officers dressed as Santa Claus and elves arrest drug traffickers

Topito’s analysis: Honestly, it would make a great idea for a film script, cops as Santa Claus attacking drug traffickers, I’m going to see it live. It’ll be a change from the bullshit Christmas movies that we’ve already seen 100 times.

The carpool driver is in the wrong department, she abandons her passenger at night in the countryside

Topito’s analysis: Already she does not recognize her mistake, which is not done, then she does not even try to bring her closer to her destination and finally she drops her off in the middle of the countryside alone at night. But delete his account to this heartless person, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had shitty opinions on his evaluation.

A 49.3 flocked Blue jersey offered for Christmas to Elisabeth Borne

Topito’s analysis: In two words: she didn’t steal it. Dropping 49.3s every two minutes was hanging in his face. We really need to file our own 49.3 to prevent her from asking others, in the meantime I hope she will wear her jersey on her next visit to the Élysée. All jokes aside, it’s rather creepy to see that it makes the political class laugh so much.

“Thousands of passengers late”: five tourists take the wrong door and paralyze Geneva airport

Topito’s analysis: How can five people hold up an entire airport? What really happened? Because when you make a mistake, you realize your mistake and you get out, you don’t waste whole hours on more than 1,000 people. I hope we will have the end of this story very soon because personally I can’t sleep at night.

Happy New Year my friends, and see you next week.