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December 8th. The conception of a tree

December 8 is the day of the Immaculate Conception, and so far nothing new, apart from the fact that for many faithful the Immaculate Conception means that Mary became pregnant with Jesus despite being a Virgin, which however should leave them perplexed about those exaggerated 25th celebrations, with a pregnancy that lasted just 17 days or over a year. The Immaculate Conception is instead precisely that of Mary, conceived without original sin I believe thanks to her intervention on her DNA which made her completely equal to Adam and Eve before the apple, that is technically immortal like Berlusconi according to Professor Zangrillo. You may not believe it but Mary never died, she fell asleep and was assumed into Heaven.

For the laity, December 8 is especially important for another reason: that is, it is the day in which the Christmas tree is traditionally “made”. In my family this operation has never aroused particular enthusiasm, starting early in the morning a series of narrow markings, escapes and counter escapes, “I’m at the accountant”, “I have judo”, “excuse me but I’m on duty”, but there is this thing that if the tree doesn’t turning 8 brings bad luck, and we believe in the Immaculate Conception up to a certain point but in bad luck a lot. However, generally on the 7th evening or 8th morning my wife says “You have to make a tree” which translated from Wifese means “You have to make a tree”. I try to lie, “I did it last year” and at that point she makes a face that means “Don’t try it”, and I say okay, but this year I’m doing it all blue and white and I put the Sampdoria balls in it and she makes another face that means “Just believe it”.

My wife modeled smiley faces for whatsapp emojis and knows how to explain herself very well even without speaking. At best, she grants a side glance that means “get help from your son”, who in the meantime has put on a sweatshirt the same color as the upholstery and flattened himself against the wall hoping to go unnoticed. In the end, in order not to spoil a day of (presumed) celebration for the whole family, we decided that the tree is done by only one of us, in turn, and tomorrow I’ll explain how. (1. Continued)

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