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heading for a new decade that we hope will be crazy

They are not so numerous, finally, these French players having put the NBA at their feet. Expression a bit exaggerated perhaps, although relative, but despite everything Rudy Gobert is today one of those players who matter in the Great League, and whose career will be a landmark in many respects. 30 years last Sunday for the Gobe, and if the achievements are already CRAZY there are still a few to accomplish.

What he has already done

Best dunker of the season:

So this one is quite anecdotal, but not that much when you know that you yourself can’t even dunk on U11 baskets. All-time dunk record in a season, we are in the 300 and bananas and therefore about four per game. Dwight Howard’s previous record is gone, and while we’re still waiting for « 360° riders moulins à vent tomahawk across the map » or other bloody posters, let’s say that being the NBA player who slams the most tomars is still a hell of a performance. In short, if you are a basketball hoop and you meet Rudy, high is the probability of getting your ass kicked.

Best rebounder of the season:

Best dunker and rebounder of the season, two attributes whose correlation is common. In this 2021-22 season, the Frenchman finally managed to finish at the top of the Grand League garbage collectors’ rankings. For once, we thank our partners for having greatly contributed to it. If Hassan Whiteside took 7.6 rebounds per game off the bench, the 3rd of the team in this category is Royce O’Neale with only 4.8 rebounds per game. It’s always cool not to have a bulky point guard stealing what rightfully belongs to your interiors. To each his own, and Rudy handles his part of the job very well.

Best blocker of the season:

Again this high fact established on the 2016-17 season feeds the eternal debate of “Eh Rudy always gets posterized”. It is simply impossible to win three Defender of the Year titles without being snorted once or twice by the attackers. In all disciplines – apart from skydiving – the best make mistakes. It is now a question of cutting the pear between the accomplishments of a man, and his moments of shadow. A boy like Yuta Watanabe who served as an escalator for Anthony Edwards cannot “compensate” with a title of best blocker over an entire season. There, Rudy has already been wiped by Russell Westbrook, Spencer Dinwiddie or even DeMar DeRozan, but we are almost sure that he has already returned the favor.

Best defender of the season:

We put it in “What He’s Already Done”, but to eat at the table of the greatest, Rudy Gobert has to do it again. A cabinet that carries three DPOY trophies (2018, 2019 & 2021) will never be a cabinet that carries enough DPOY trophies. High above, in the pantheon of circle protectors, Dikembe Mutombo and Ben Wallace are at four each. Stopping at three is like buying a kangaroo and forbidding it to bounce. Comparison ok, ok, but the road – even if already well advanced – is still long.

All-NBA Defensive Team :

Six consecutive appearances in the « All-NBA First Defensive Team » ? An accomplishment that demonstrates a certain regularity/consistency in the effort, and which will inevitably end up paying. According to the TrashTalk lab, 65% of jerks hate Rudy Gobert and 97% of them don’t even know why. But thanks to parallel calculations, we managed to establish that 89% of the nags loved numbers. In these 89%, 81% are part of the 65% who hate Rudy Gobert. You have it ? Once it’s time to lay out the Frenchman’s achievements / records / stats in broad daylight, many will return to their jackets. Numbers stronger than hate, that’s how it is.

Burst a goblet:

If the figures are indelible, the images are just as much. We remember this start to the match against Houston, during which Rudy – released for two fouls in three minutes of play – had slapped a goblet. A gesture that earned him some taunts. This is why we have listed in the French a to do list to perform in front of the cameras, a story that La Gobe attracts compassion and sympathy from cantankerous people:

  • Getting more caught up in the game of trashtalking, forgetting the very European discourse of “I have nothing to answer, I don’t listen to criticism”.
  • Telling Pat Beverley that navel-sniffing his opponents and stomping the floor aren’t criteria for the DPOY trophy.
  • Create a little celebration of his own, like waving against the floor after each block.
  • Pulling Donovan Mitchell’s ear after a bad play and ask him to fetch him a can.
  • Burst a balloon in front of Chris Paul and compare it with his bundles in the Playoffs.

France team:

Silver medal at the 2020 Olympic Games in Tokyo, bronze medal at the 2019 World Cup in China, bronze medal at the 2015 European Championship in France, bronze medal at the 2014 World Cup in Spain. A small list of winners just waiting to grow over the next two years with the Euro, the World Cup and the Paris Olympics. There is clearly room to become one of the best players in the history of the French team, by combining collective awards, individual achievements in the blue jersey, and number of selections (currently 73).

What he hasn’t done yet

Holder at the ASG:

We would have liked to winnow it by saying that even Andrew Wiggins did it, but since then, the latter has gained credibility. And anyway, it’s not really up to Rudy Gobert to move his buttocks. He can develop his attacking gear, we agree, but once a player is ahead in the Defender of the Year race, he should instantly be in one of the two major fives. But on the other hand, the principle of the All-Star Game remains to make the audience and a 360° by Rudy Gobert is not necessarily what makes kids dream. It’s like feeding your cat hay: not super natural.

Playing a Conf Final:

There, we attack the most unfortunate. How is it that at 30 berges, Rudy Gobert has never reached a conference final? We do have an answer that starts with “He plays with” and ends with « Donovan Mitchell »but we would be accused of a lack of objectivity.

Play an NBA Finals:

It would have been surprising if Rudy Gobert had played an NBA Finals without going through the box “conference final”. We wish him to unlock these two achievements at the same time, at the end of a Playoffs campaign which – suddenly – would be thunderous.

Win it, please:

Jazz still has this label affixed by the John Stockton – Karl Malone duo, of a franchise with a respectable history, but with an empty track record than the *insert word of your choice* by Jaxson Hayes. If Rudy Gobert manages to unblock the situation with a bagouzehello reconsideration in the rankings all-time. We are still far from it eh, and the Frenchman is not a franchise player but indeed an elite lieutenant around whom to play the game. He will need help, and for once, we are even further from it.

Olympic Gold:

We are not saying that he will be too old for the Olympic Games in Los Angeles in 2028, simply that there is a first deadline not to be missed: Paris 2024, does that speak to you? At home, in front of family, friends and reality TV candidates who think that basketball is offside, Rudy Gobert will have a lot to do. This date will be the most important meeting of his career with the Blues. At 32, we hope he will have managed a few things in the meantime, just to arrive with forty-two kilos of confidence in his luggage. At least that’s what it will take to play Team USA eye to eye, and finally knock them off the bottom rung.

Plant the parking:

Is this really what we want? In our heart of hearts, very clearly, but we don’t hide from you that season after season, the militants for a gunner Rudy Gobert are losing hope. Over his entire career, the Frenchman displays a funny 0/11 in the parking lotstraight out of nineties. He has tried eight times over the past two seasons, and probably has not said his last word. Would the 2022-23 campaign be the right one?

Change deductible (oops):

Drafted in Denver but sent to the Jazz in stride, Rudy Gobert has never known another city/franchise than Salt Lake City. We are not going to force him to move elsewhere, eh, Utah remaining a great formation in which good elements coexist, but the Frenchman must obtain guarantees. Of the kind ? Refresh the roster, round up the star player, sexify everything. But he doesn’t seem in a strong position to open it.. According to rumors from the hallway, his front office would consider trading it this summer. A nice bullshit that would leave the keys to the workforce to Donovan Mitchell. Want a belief? He, without Rudy, does not take the Jazz to the Playoffs.

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