The 2: 5 (0: 5) against the leaders 1. FC Magdeburg on December 4th meant not only the temporary end of the promotion dreams for the third division soccer club TSV 1860 Munich – but also the end of the era of Sascha Mölders. The long-time striker was removed from the squad after the game. Assistant coach Oliver Beer was also relieved of his position. The SZ was in the dressing room at half-time.
Performing: Michael Köllner (trainer), Oliver Beer (co-trainer), Robert Reisinger (president), Anthony Power (right hand of investor Hasan Ismaik and managing director of Fanartikel GmbH), Marc-Nicolai Pfeifer (managing director), Martin Schwarzenbeck (Sport EDS GmbH), Stephan Salger (central defender), Sascha Mölders (Wampe von Giesing), Ivonne, Noah, Joy, Renne and Lio Mölders (family of the Wampe von Giesing).
Köllner: So, folks, it is 0: 5, but as the prophet Isaiah said: Those who wait in the Lord get new strength, that they soar with wings like eagles, that they run and do not become weary, that they walk and not get tired.
Reisinger (comes in): Is the Bible Club here again?
Sales: The fat man is already tired when you see him walking up there.
Mölders: So now it’s up to me again! I don’t get it. I scored 22 goals last season! If you don’t believe it, there’s even a T-shirt from my collection that says it. If you can buy yourselves, then you will also benefit a little from my fame.
Power: Nobody buys that. Hasan Ismaik says: You shouldn’t have any other fan shops next to me.
Reisinger (sits down next to Power): Servus, Anthony! You here too! I’m happy about that.
Köllner: I would now like to discuss how we can get new strength for the second half.
Beer: I think we should tactically switch to …
Mölders: More balls on me! I’ll knock them in then!
Sales: I’ll hit you right away …
Köllner: Peace be with you!
All players (except Mölders): And with your mind!
Beer: So, back to the tactics. I have prepared something: From now on we will run into a 4-2-2-2 on pressing line one. After winning the ball, we switch over to the tens away from the ball. We tip into a chain of three in possession of the ball, with an asymmetrical left back and a stretching left tens, so that we tip into a 3-4-3 or 3-1-5, depending on where Sascha is.
Sales: I don’t care where Sascha is. And the others don’t care either. I do not give a shit!
Power: Do we even have two tens?
Reisinger (laughs): I’m tipping over!
Köllner: So Oli, I think it’s good that you are so involved here, but I still do the tactics.
Beer: What’s your tactic, huh?
Köllner: We fly up with wings like eagles, we run and don’t get tired.
Sales: What use are wings like eagles if we have to use them to fly a polar bear towards the gate?
Ivonne Mölders (comes into the cabin): Are the children there? Noah! Joy! Run Lio! Miracoli is ready!
Power: Can someone put the flodders away here?
Mölders: My family stays there!
Sales: Who are the Flodders?
Power: That used to be a TV series.
Reisinger (moves closer to Power): Haha, the Flodders. That was good.
Piper (comes in): Aha, I see the shareholders move together in the hour of need. I am of course pleased, that’s how it has to be. Hashtag Together!
Sales: Hashtag ass licking! Nothing in common when you see how the fat man walks in front.
Mölders: You’re just jealous because you don’t have a real belly and because of that nobody buys your T-shirts. Incidentally, I have new ones in preparation: “The fatty liver from Mering”. They’ll be the hit. Does anyone want to pre-order one?
Power: Could we possibly use the official fan shop …
Martin Schwarzenbeck (knocks): Hello everyone, I’m from Sport EDS GmbH. I’m supposed to dismantle the LED gang.
Reisinger: Can’t that wait? It’s only half time.
Schwarzenbeck: Unfortunately not. We still have a follow-up appointment, we have to install an LED video wall at FC Pipinsried. 6500 square feet, 4K. There are also 3-D glasses for the audience.
Mölders: With such 3-D glasses, my pelvis would of course look even more perky …
Sales: You would also market a clubfoot as “Giesing’s clubfoot” if you had one! We’re on a professional football team here, not in Dr. Mabuse.
Power: Is that the one where you get the vaccination records?
Mölders (thoughtful): … with 3 D all the viewers would think they could grab my pelvis, it would appear so close to them.
Sales: You don’t need 3-D glasses to grab your fat belly, it is enough to sit in Nuremberg and reach in the right direction!
Schwarzenbeck: Guys, I really have to break the bonds now, I have to be here again tomorrow and build them up. At some point I have to sleep too.
Köllner: Calm now!
Piper (whispers): An LED video wall with 3-D glasses! I have to tell the mayor that we want something like that too.
Power: It never answers when you call.
Reisinger: Haha! You’re right now, Anthony! Speaking of which: Does Hasan answer again when you call him?
Power (moves even closer to Reisinger): Unfortunately, no. Nothing heard from Abu Dhabi forever. I also only read what his PR aunt writes on Facebook.
Mölders: If you move even closer together, we will not get you apart any more.
Piper (sighs): FC Pipinsried definitely earns money from selling food and drinks. It’s better everywhere than in Giesing. We can’t even get promoted because then we don’t have a suitable stadium.
Reisinger: Hahaha, step up!
Köllner: Of course we still believe in ascent. Everything you pray and ask only believe that you will receive it, and it will be yours. That is Mark 11:24.
Power: Markus Drees? He invented the fuck-the-sheik song!
Sales: I just think we’re losing today.
Köllner: So guys, let’s go! Go out and play soccer!
Beer: I couldn’t have formulated it more precisely.
(Team and coach go out into the field, Schwarzenbeck begins to dismantle the gang.)
Reisinger: 0: 5 at halftime! Trainer, sports director – we have to throw someone out tomorrow.
Power: Yes, but what that costs again.
Reisinger (comes very close): Also agrees again. We’re consolidating – together! We don’t want money and you really don’t have any.
Pfeifer: And the shack here doesn’t throw anything.
Power: Let’s just throw the beer out. And the Mölders! He sells more T-shirts with his stupid belly than I do with my funny sayings on the coffee cups.
Pfeifer: What sayings?
Power: Once a lion, always a lion … The early lion catches the antelope … Löwenstund has green and gold in its mouth … The dumbest lions have the thickest …
Pfeifer: … striker?
Reisinger (moved extremely close to Power): Great cup! But exactly, if we have to kick someone out: let’s just kick the Mölders out …
Pfeifer: A great idea!
Ivonne Mölders (comes out from behind the cupboards): You didn’t expect that! I’m still here and I’ve heard everything!
Noah: Me too!
Chute: Really nasty what they’re pulling off here.
Power: Well, then post it on Instagram. Nothing is of any use to you either.
Chute: What are you talking to Insta, you idiot?
Reisinger: Well, well, not so cheeky. The Anthony is a real lion! And, I’ll put it this way: Lions are known to sleep for a long time. But when they are awake they are invincible!
Power: Delicious, I’ll have the saying printed on a mug …
Joy: Could it be that there is no wifi here? I got zero bars, you honks.
Pfeifer: You have to bring your own WiFi if you absolutely have to surf in the dump. So, press release tomorrow. But I think we have a problem: The Mölders is popular with the fans … especially with the maddened ruin worshipers.
Reisinger: Gorenzel * should simply tell the press that Mölders is not suspended even though he is suspended. If he talks, nobody can see through anyway.
Power: Great idea. That’s how we do it. Together!
* Sports director