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Talking about his homosexuality near the male locker rooms

The Las Vegas Raiders defensive end himself wished that someday a statement like his wouldn’t make headlines any longer.

If the male locker room remains a place where taboos towards homosexuality are still present, the surroundings can allow young men to walk in their quest to know themselves.

The coach’s office can be a good place. Like that of this man, who preferred to remain anonymous for reasons that have nothing to do with this story. Coach of a team sport, college level, in the greater Montreal area, in the early 2010. Eight years of experience at that time. The kind of coach whose office door is always open.

Often the players came into the office for academic follow-ups. A guy who has everything, he has a W in his forehead, he was born a winner and that will follow him all his life. One day, he comes into the office, the guys often came to greet me, two or three minutes, ask me for the practice plan, but rarely came to him. He sits down and closes the door. I ask him how he is. Talks, talks, talks, talks, but since he never does that, I feel that he has come to tell me something. I ask him how his session is going, all that, and at one point I ask him if he has a blonde. And his response changed all my other interventions with the players.

I never asked a player that again. I asked them if they were in a relationship.

A quote from:A college male team sports coach

He told me that he had one, but that, there, he wondered a lot. And it goes beyond the usual questions. And there I clicked. I tell him, you know there is no taboo in this office, there never was, there won’t be. If you came to tell me that you were wondering, it’s because you needed to tell me, and I can feel it, and I will listen to you.

He told me that he wondered a lot about his orientation, and that if he was wondering, it was probably because he was gay because he didn’t think other guys were asking these questions. -the. He was able to take that step back.

We had a really long discussion, and it’s funny because it kept knocking on the door, and I was waving people to come back later. He told me it wasn’t that important, and I told him it was the most important thing I had in a very long time, and probably in my entire life.

The first confidant

The player had never told anyone about it.

A coach is often better than a father, because you are going to tell him things that you would not say to your father. You know he’s going to tell you the truth, and if any advice comes, it’s going to be better than advice from a brother or sister, because it’s advice that comes with experience, from someone who is external.

That day, he created a bond.

A quote from:A college male team sports coach

Without the bond being particularly intimate, the former player and his former coach speak three to four times a year.

What I learned from that is that the first step he took, he did not choose his parents, or a worker, he took someone with whom he had a link, and who was not in judgment.

No fear

After a long conversation lasting over an hour, the coach closed the door to his office.

I said to myself, my god, what a privilege! There is a human being who trusts me enough that his main concern is to tell me.

I told myself that from now on, we had to make the guys aware. I didn’t do it when he was there, I didn’t want him to feel that I was doing it for him. The year after he left, there are things that I no longer accepted, I was strict.

The word fagot is over.

A quote from:A college male team sports coach

In 10 years at college, I have coached about 300 guys. Of course there are some in there who were gay.

Today he is gay, and he is married. So the guys who played with him know that.

But since the player did not speak at this time about these questions, we do not know if the welcome in the locker room would have been as warm as in the coach’s office.

I really think it would have gone well. Because he was a guy who was overly respectful of other people, so that always attracts a little respect. There would have been derogatory comments, that’s for sure, but I don’t think it would have happened in broad daylight. It would have been done in the cliques. The guys who have this homophobia all hang out together. They are guys who share a sort of mentality. Would that have made clans and that some would have dissociated themselves from him? Maybe back then yes, but today I don’t know

A first NFL player comes out of the closet.

Photo : usa today sports / Mark J. Rebilas

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