This is the best day of my life as a sports writer. I wished a day when I could write such a ridiculous title, so ridiculous, I can practically write whatever I want and it really doesn’t matter. That title is perfection.
Lionel Messi is the GOAT. He is a living legend. At 33, I am convinced that he could enter most teams in a country’s top division and make them single title contenders. And that’s what makes this tweet the funniest thing I’ve ever read and me had to beat the country:
– Barca Center (@BarcaCenterTV) 25 August 2020
I can not handle it. I put six words in that tweet and laugh uncontrollably.
What is happening in Barcelona has intrigued the entire world of football. Messi appears to have finished with Barcelona after bringing in Ronald Koeman. I have no idea if this account is legitimate, but it honestly doesn’t matter for this story so let’s go wild:
Report from @daily claims that Lionel Messi decided enough was enough at Barcelona after Ronald Koeman told him directly: “Your privileges here are over”. More follows.
– footballespana (@footballespana_) 25 August 2020
Close your eyes and imagine this ongoing conversation where Ronald Koeman tries to tell perhaps the greatest footballer to ever live that his privileges are over. It is nothing more than a theatrical masterpiece.
It goes without saying that Daniel Levy addressing Messi’s entourage is the biggest bat load ever written on this site. For a moment, I’ll let you imagine seeing Lionel Messi in lily white and watching him torture Arsenal. It’s a fun image that we can only really get if we make a free transfer FIFA. Then reality crashes upon us when you realize that Lionel Messi is being paid a stupid sum of money to do what he does:
This is Messi’s Barcelona salary package according to Football Leaks: 60,395,769 euros of annual base salary (£ 988,000 per week), £ 9,100,000 per year on image rights, £ 13,000,000 per year on possible bonus plus signature and loyalty commission (£ 120,000,000 over 5 years).
A nice load. pic.twitter.com/LOaUoogZuq
– Kristof Terreur (@HLNinEngland) 25 August 2020
I can’t even figure out how much money it actually is. You could put half in front of me and I don’t even know how to answer.
And that figure of 60 million euros is just for a fucking year.
This is normally the part of the article where I tell you the rumor is ridiculous at best and I never expect anything to come out of it. Instead, I offer you these questions:
What happens if?
What if Daniel Levy had mortgaged the stadium to do it?
What if Lionel Messi had arrived Tottenham Hotspur?
Feel free to write your own Skipjack-worthy fan fiction in the comments, everyone. It’s the only way to properly end what is just a great tweet.