Former Wales wing Tom James has revealed how his 10-year struggle with mental problems drove him to consider taking his own life.
In January last year, James announced that he was suffering from depression and took a break from the game to receive treatment.
The 32-year-old, who is Cardiff Blues' record attempt, scored in most of a decade of demons.
Things became so bad for the 12-cap Wales star that he would make excuses as to why he couldn't go to training, be it illness or injury.
He also turned to alcohol, drove large quantities alone at home, and even bought drugs on the black market in an attempt to sleep.
And now, father-to-have got his life back on track, he has given an honest and in-depth interview about his struggles.
"I stopped eating. There would be days when all I wanted was a bowl of porridge," he told Wales Online. "And I couldn't sleep because my mind was overactive and just buzzing.
"The fatigue of my body was just another level, and then I went to training and tried to keep up with all those who fit boys or go out on the track and chase one of the fastest players in the league.
"My concentration level went out of the window and I struggled to remember movements. Since there was a little shame on the boys, I would be very sensitive and take it to heart.
"I was young and for years I had no idea what happened. I was thinking," Is it normal to feel that way? "I didn't know what it was. So, as the years went by, It just got worse
"I did some stupid things like a cry for help, and it was at that time I thought there was something up here, I have a problem. I started searching the internet and realized it was depression.
"It's like a black cloud over you. You don't want to get out of bed, you don't eat, you don't sleep, you have anxiety, you don't answer the phone to your best friends, you're ridiculous.
"It came to a stage in around 2012 where I no longer wanted to play rugby."
James is brutally honest about how bad things were for him, and revealed that he was considering suicide when things started to come up on him.
"I had suicidal thoughts for about five years," he added. "When I returned from the New Zealand tour in 2016, I was never the same boy again. It was the worst. I just went downhill from there.
"I had so much anxiety and I didn't sleep or ate. I just had no appetite. I must have lost about two and a half stones.
"I just felt that I wouldn't do anything and didn't want to get out of bed. Everyone has bad days, but every day was a bad day for me since then."
. (tagsToTranslate) Wales rugby union team (s) Mental Health (t) Cardiff Blues